When We Were Young
by MandyLeigh87
Summary: After swearing a pact with her friends, Bella returns to Forks to attend a childhood friend's funeral. She expects the pain. She expects the grief. She doesn't expect to see her ex-boyfriend, former British exchange student Edward Masen. But he was part of the pact too, and Edward never breaks a promise. Especially if it means seeing Bella again. BxE Short story BPOV
1. Chapter 1

**When We Were Young: Part 1**

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"Ladies and Gentleman, as we prepare for landing, please return your seats and tray tables to their upright and locked position, and make sure that your seatbelt is securely fastened. We should be landing in Seattle momentarily..."

I've heard that several times before, but now it's different. I know this time that he won't be waiting for me back in Forks.

He won't step out onto his father's porch and lean against the old swing we sat on when we were kids. He won't say "Hey, Bella, how's it hanging?" like he always did. I won't be able to hug him and feel his warm arms around my shoulders, like the best blanket I've ever known. Well, almost the best. He was my best friend but he wasn't my boyfriend. That title was reserved for someone else who isn't in Forks anymore either.

I pull out the newspaper clipping my mother sent me. It arrived earlier today, just before I left Chicago. It's already crinkled and worn from how many times I've pulled it out to read it. Still doesn't seem real, seeing his name typed across the top in bold letters.

He'd made me promise we'd come back here for his funeral. All of us. Even though we all lost touch and fell apart, lost what we used to be, I couldn't break that promise. When we were young, things were different. Less complicated. Right now, I'd give anything to go back to being seventeen if it meant having him back.

As we land, I tuck the paper back into my bag and gather my things.

My dad picks me up in his cruiser and we're silent for most of the ride back to our house. Until we reach the diner and his name is etched in the sign.

 _Rest in Peace, Jacob._

"How is Billy holding up?" I ask.

"He's doing alright." He sighs. "You know he was sick for so long, as bad as it is, I think he's...content with the fact that he's not in pain anymore."

"I wish I could have visited more often." Guilt swallows my entire chest, so heavy I can barely speak. I should have visited more often, but I think deep down if I didn't see it, the sickness and what it did to him, it wouldn't be real. God, does it feel real now.

"You know Jacob, he probably wouldn't have wanted you to spend your time in that hospital room as much as he had to. You were his best friend, Bella, he wanted good things for you."

Good things. I guess I had those. Good job. Good apartment. Good friends. Good life back in Chicago. Good boyfriend, until recently.

As soon as we pull in the driveway, my mom envelops me in a hug and pushes me through the door, offering me every kind of food imaginable and talking a million miles an hour.

That night, I lay awake in bed unable to sleep. It's nearly 1am and I'm exhausted from traveling, but my mind won't shut up. I go over and over again what I'm going to say to Jacob's dad, Billy. His other friends. Our friends. I haven't seen them in years, some of them not since high school graduation.

I lean over the edge of the bed and pull out my yearbook from senior year. Five pages in, nestled in the middle of the "Student Life" section, is a photo of our crew. Rosalie, in her cheerleading uniform, draped over Emmett, who is laying on the ground with that know it all smirk of his. Alice and Jasper are too caught up in each other to notice that there's even a picture being taken. Mike has a laughing Jacob in a headlock, while Edward and I look on smiling. I focus on us, me and him, his arm around my waist and my hand on his chest. We were happy, then.

I check the clock again, counting out the hours to figure out what time it is in London. He's not coming to the funeral, I'm sure. Is he? Would he?

Edward Masen wasn't a regular student at Forks High. He was an exchange student, straight from the United Kingdom with dimples for days and an accent that made every girl in school melt into a puddle of goo. Myself included.

We had a wonderful two years together, and then he left because his program was up and he had to. He was going to Oxford and I was already accepted into Northwestern. We said that we'd keep in touch, that we'd visit. But we were eighteen and young and naive. This picture captured it all. Then, real life set in. No matter how much we loved each other, it was too hard. Even knowing that, sometimes I find myself wondering how things would be different if those things were different.

I fall asleep with the yearbook open over my chest, covering the scar on my heart that Edward left.

Mom wakes me hours later, offering me breakfast. I'm not very hungry, but I eat to make her happy. I can tell she's trying to make me feel better and I don't want her to think I don't appreciate it.

After I help her clean up, I get dressed and head out to the garage. My old truck sits abandoned, looking as decrepit as it did when I first got it. I shiver as my hand brushes over the door handle, and it has nothing to do with the autumn chill. Lots of memories in this truck...in the back of this truck. I blush, like someone was reading my thoughts.

As I slide inside, I pray it still works. My dad says he starts it every once in awhile to make sure it runs and that must have kept the thing operational. It protests as it rumbles to life, but it's alive regardless. I put the gear in drive and speed out of our driveway, the red, orange, and yellow leaves in a flurry behind me.

I drive the familiar route to Billy's house, the one I took several times a week since I was sixteen years old. Even a little before then, but don't tell my dad that.

Billy's driveway is far from empty. I immediately spot Sue Clearwater's car, as well as her son's. Sue and Billy were close, like brother and sister. It doesn't surprise me to find them here.

I pause after I park, preparing myself for what I was about to walk into. I was going to be at Jacob's house, but he won't be there. I don't know if it's possible to prepare for that. I would never be ready to be in a world without my best friend.

After a few minutes, I force myself to go inside. I don't knock. I never did.

Soft voices float down the hallway from the living room, and pans clatter in the kitchen. I take a deep breath and step into the living room. Three tear-stained faces stare back at me. Seth and Leah, Sue's kids, sit on the couch. And Billy is in his favorite chair.

"Bella." He smiles sadly.

"Hey, Billy." I'm surprised I don't lose it then, but I manage to hold myself together. I lean down to give him a hug, but I don't know what else to say except for "I'm sorry."

He tries to make small talk, asks me when I got in and how long I planned on staying. Sue peeks her head in from the kitchen and says hello before she rushes back to check on whatever food she's cooking. The smell radiates through the house and even though I just ate, it makes my stomach rumble.

The conversations lulls, and I slowly move away from the group, up the stairs lined with Jacob's school photos, and to his room. The door is ajar. I imagine this is one of those times like before, where I'd walk in and find him playing video games from his bed.

That bed is empty now, made up neatly and so perfect. The opposite of what it ever was when Jacob was alive. You were lucky enough if there was a spot for you to sit. But I suppose that was a long time ago, when we were kids and our rooms were always messy. Jacob got older, and so did I. His game counsel was replaced with a simple DVD player; the action figures on his desk are gone, now nothing more than a lamp and a few stray pencils.

The light is on in his closet, so I open the door and smile. There he is. The action figures in boxes on the shelf. Clothes in a messy heap on the floor. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor with them. Sobbing and crying so hard that I can hardly breathe. He's here. His smell, his memories, his everything. I cling to one of his shirts, my tears staining it a darker color navy.

I don't know how long I laid there, but I heard someone come up the stairs and walk into his room. That same someone opened the closet door further and knelt down behind me, scooping me up.

"Bella," Emmett says, setting me down on Jacob's bed and enveloping me in a hug. I haven't seen him in years, but I still cry in his arms. Such a strange hello, but I don't know any other way. It's all I can manage, at least for now.

After I can't cry anymore, we just sit in silence for a few minutes. When I finally muster the energy to speak, I do.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I've been coming out at least once a week to help Billy with his lawn since Jacob's been sick. I saw your truck outside and when I didn't see you downstairs, I figured you were up here."

I let out a shaky breath and sit up. "That's nice of you. To do that for Billy. I'm sure Jacob appreciated it."

Emmett nods. "How long are you in town for?"

"I leave the day after tomorrow. Just in town for the funeral."

"We're going to the cabin this weekend. You know it was part of the deal." He smiles a little and playfully elbows me in the ribs.

"Who is?"

"Everyone."

My heart skips a beat. Does he really mean everyone? Or everyone but Edward?

"You don't go back to work until next week anyway, right?" Emmett asks. "You can still join us, if you want."

He's right. I'm not due back in the office until the middle of next week. My boss was insistent that I take some time off to "cope with my loss." But I had planned to do that in my apartment, alone. Not at a cabin with a group of people I haven't really talked to since high school.

"Well." I hesitate. "It was part of the agreement."

The first stipulation of Jacob's arrangement was for us to all come back for his funeral. The second was to go to Emmett's dad's cabin on the lake for a few days. We spent so many crazy weekends there in high school, maybe he figured the place would heal us.

"I'm in," I say. "Why not."

"Great! We'll pick you up at your folks' place Friday morning." He glances at the clock. "Hey, I better get going if I want to get the lawn done by dinnertime. Rose will kick my ass if I'm late."

"You two still together?"

He holds up his left hand and flashes and shiny wedding ring.

"Wow." I smile. "Congratulations, Em."

"Thanks." He kisses the top of my head. "Good to see you again, Bells. See you at the visitation tonight?"

"Yeah. See you there."

I spend some more time in Jacob's room, looking through photos and some knick-knacks from when we were young. Before I leave, Sue offers me some food and I oblige her, sitting in the living room with everyone while they talk. I thank them for the meal and head outside to leave. As I pull out of the driveway, Billy stops me.

"Bella!" He yells.

I stop and put the truck in park as he approaches.

"I'm sorry if I'm acting strange, Billy. I don't know-"

"It's okay," he interrupts. "I don't think there's any normal way to grieve. God knows I don't know how I'm getting through it all." He sighs. "I wanted to tell you something. He made me promise to tell you."

Tears burn in my eyes. Jacob wanted to tell me something.

"He said to forgive him."

"Forgive him?" I ask. "For what?"

"I don't know. That was all he said."

I look down at the steering wheel, trying to comprehend everything. What did he have to be sorry for?

"I hate that I wasn't there when he died," I mumble.

"He understood. He said you were off being fancy in that big city of yours." Billy laughs. "He loved you more than anything, Bella. You were family to him and I know it means the world to him that you're here now."

"Wouldn't be anywhere else." I nod and wave goodbye to Billy and to Emmett out in the front yard as I leave.

I take a nap when I get home because I'm emotionally exhausted. And I haven't even seen Jacob yet. I don't know how I'm going to get through the visitation tonight.

I shower and put on a black sweater dress, saving my nice dress for the funeral tomorrow. My hair falls over my shoulder in a loose braid and I refuse to put on much makeup. It wouldn't last long anyway.

"Do you want to ride with us, honey?" Mom asks, peering in my room while she puts on her earrings.

"No. I'll drive separate. I don't know how long I'll stay." I stare at myself one last time in the mirror before grabbing my bag. "Thanks, Mom."

We hold each other in the doorway for several minutes, longer than I've held another person in awhile. It reminds of the night Edward left, and I stood here crying in her arms for nearly an hour. And she just held me. Held her daughter, her little girl, as her heart was breaking. Today, it was breaking all over again over another boy.

Once I arrive at the funeral home, I sit outside in the truck for a long time before I go in. It's overwhelming, the amount of people here. Most familiar faces, eyes watching me as I walk in. Some puffy and pink with tears, others looking at me like I was a lost puppy.

I spot Emmett and Rosalie talking to Billy and I wave to both of them. Rosalie sports the tiniest baby bump and I wonder if she's the first of our group to be pregnant. I hadn't heard from Alice since college.

"Bella!"

Speak of the Devil. I manage a smile as Alice throws her arms around me. Jasper follows quietly behind, offering me a nod.

"Hi, Alice."

"Emmett told me you're joining us for the weekend, that's so wonderful! You know, I thought of calling you but your dad said you were leaving right away."

"I was," I admitted. "But Emmett reminded me that it was part of the agreement."

"It was." She put her arm around my waist and we both looked on the crowd. "He would have loved it."

"What?"

"Seeing everyone together again." Alice always had a way of bringing a ray of sunshine, a positive attitude to the worst situations. It was something Jacob always loved about her because he was the same way. "The gang is all here."

 _Not everyone,_ I thought.

"We'll catch up later. I want to pay my respects to Billy." She gives me a squeeze and flits off.

Jasper gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'm sorry for your loss, Bella. I know he was like family."

"Thanks, Jas. Good to see you."

I round the corner and see the spot up front, where the crowd separates. Must be where the casket is.

I fumble around in my purse for the packet of tissues Mom bought me earlier. I didn't want to cry here, but I didn't know if I was going to be able to avoid it.

There were several rows of chairs on either side of the aisle and people chatting in small groups. The casket sat at the front, surrounded by photos and flowers. He was dressed in his favorite team's jersey, which was so Jacob. He wouldn't have wanted to be in something too formal.

I know everyone says that it looks like they're just sleeping, but I didn't buy it. No matter how much they tried, they couldn't capture Jacob's essence because he wasn't there anymore. And it tore me apart.

I place my hand on the edge of the casket, hoping it will help steady me. This boy, the one I grew up with, the one I used to climb trees with, the one I scraped my knees up with, the one I cried to when my first "boyfriend" broke up with me in 7th grade. He's gone.

I close my eyes, hoping when I open them again this will be a nightmare. I bite my lip so hard that I swear I taste blood.

Someone steps up beside me to pay their respects and something pulls me back to the land of reality. A buzz roaring through my body like a static shock. It feels so different from the numbness of the past few days that it makes me jump.

"I didn't mean to scare you."

I freeze. I know that voice. The sweet, smooth voice of a boy I once knew. Only now, I can hear the years in his tone. The deeper rumble of the man he's grown into.

I turn, unable to breathe or speak. Edward stands beside me, in a black jacket and tie. His hair is a far cry from the messy mop of his teenage years. Trimmed and shorter, makes him look older. He is older, I have to remind myself. We both are.

I don't know if he knew it was me before he approached and I don't stay to ask him. Panic sets in. Shock. Terror. Heartbreak. Before I know it, I'm stuttering something incoherent and rushing away so quickly that I practically leave a dust cloud.

If Jacob were alive, I would bet he'd be laughing at this whole scene.

I find a corner behind a large group for cover, and sit in one of the chairs sipping a glass of water.

My parents eventually find me and ask if I want to join them for dinner at the diner. Behind them, I catch a glimpse of him heading for the door, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket.

"I think I'm going to stay," I manage to say, half dazed. After they leave, I find myself heading for the door, the same one Edward left through moments ago.

I check the area outside, where some have gathered talking before they leave, but I don't see him. A small cloud of smoke snakes around the corner of the building, and I know he's there.

I stand at the corner for a minute, weighing the pros and cons. In the end, "might as well get it over with" wins out and I round the building.

He's down a few steps, leaning against the side with his head back. A lit cigarette rests between his long fingers, a small trail of smoke rising from the end.

"Still smoking, I see," I say. I cross my arms and lean against the cool brick beside him.

"Still complaining about it, I see." He smirks and takes a long drag.

"Can I have one?" I'm not a smoker, besides that small stint in college, but the stress of today is starting to get to me. And it will give me something to do except say something I'll regret.

"Bella Swan smoking cigarettes?" He teases, pulling one out. He lights it with his own and hands it to me.

I take a long drag and try not to cough.

"I'm sorry," I say. "For running away back there, I wasn't expecting you to be here."

"I made the same promise you did."

We all made promises then, but this seems to be the only one that stuck.

"How was Oxford?" I ask.

"It was fine. How was Northwestern?"

"It was fine."

I don't know what to say to him. After all these years, everything between us and everything lost, and all we can manage is small talk.

He puts his cigarette out on the building. "You know something funny, I stopped smoking years ago."

"Why now?"

"I bought a pack just before I drove here for emergencies."

"Like seeing one of your best friends like that."

"Like seeing you."

"Bella!" Alice yells from around the front of the building. "Bella Swan!"

I don't have time to feel embarrassed or awkward or anything else I should be feeling, because Alice barrels around the side and interrupts.

"Billy said he saw you come out here." She smiles at Edward and I realize they all knew he was going to be here. I hate them a little for not warning me, not that they owe me anything now. "Should have known you two would find each other."

"I was just bumming a cigarette," I say, creating some distance between Edward and me.

"Do you guys want to go to the corner pub? Mike just got here and we were thinking about having a couple of drinks," she asks.

Edward and I immediately look at each other, like we're waiting for the other to answer.

"I'm in," he says.

"I think I'm just going to go home. I'm tired and not really feeling up to it." I offer a smile and start inside to pay my respects to Billy again before I leave.

"Bella!" Edward catches up with me. "Don't not go because of me."

"It's not because of you. It's been a long day, Edward. Make sure to pour a shot for Jake." I walk a little faster and disappear into the crowd.

I talk to Billy and Sue for a few minutes before I leave. The group appears to have already left, Rose's car is gone and I assume she's the designated driver for the evening. Now that I think about it, Edward is probably staying with Emmett. And from what my dad told me Emmett bought the house down at the end of our road. Which means Edward was and is staying a few houses down from my house. Great.

When I get home, the house is deserted. Mom and Dad must still be out to eat.

I fall asleep relatively quickly, but wake hours later to loud voices and laughter outside. I get out of bed and shuffle to the window. Down on the sidewalk, coming toward the house, is Emmett, Jasper, and Edward. It's apparent they've been drinking, especially Emmett. Maybe they had one too many shots for Jake.

Jasper and Emmett are a few steps ahead, half walking, half wrestling, while Edward looks on laughing. A big, beautiful belly laugh that takes me back a million years. I find myself smiling, until he slowly comes to a stop and looks up at my house. At my window. At me.

It's too late to look away now, he knows I see him. Jasper and Emmett hit the next block and keep walking.

I sigh, open my window, and stick my head out.

"Good evening," he says.

I glance at the clock. "More like Good Morning."

"This is quite familiar, hmm?" He kicks a few stray rocks. His tie is loose, hanging down a long ways from his neck. The top few buttons of his shirt are undone and in the moonlight I can see a few thin tufts of hair peaking out.

"Last time we did this, I think you were asking me to Prom."

"Well you did say yes, didn't you?" He rocks back and forth, a little unsteady.

"Have fun at the bar?"

"Rose got so annoyed with us on the drive home, she dropped us off two blocks back and her and Alice drove the rest of the way." He laughs again.

The front door of my house opens and my dad steps out onto the porch, hands on his hips and half asleep.

"Can we continue this conversation tomorrow...when people aren't sleeping?" He looks at Edward and looks up at me. "Edward." He acknowledges him.

"Sir." Edward nods and quickly begins to walk away, looking back at my window as he does.

"Goodnight, Bella," Dad says, not bothering to look up as he walks back inside.

"Night, Dad." I linger at the window, thinking about the times I would leave it open for Edward to climb through. We used to have this huge tree just outside and I swear my dad cut it down to prevent him from climbing it.

Without another thought, and even though I know it doesn't mean anything, I walk away from the open window, letting the cool air of the night and the memories of what used to be inside.

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 **A/N: Hi all! So this was kind of unexpected. I had this plot bunny awhile ago while I was listening to Adele's When We Were Young. I swear writers should not be allowed to listen to that woman, it's like plot bunnies galore with her music. Anyway, I got to a point where I was feeling frustrated with myself and not feeling like I had any mojo while I was trying to get the last chunk of Born of Ash and Fire done, so I kind of let myself play around with some new ideas to hopefully get things flowing again. Good news, it helped for BoAF. And even better news, it spawned this story that I am so in love with.**

 **This was originally meant to be a one shot, but as it kept going and going and not getting too far in the "outline" of the story, I realized if I kept it a one shot it would probably be incredibly long and possibly overwhelming to sit down and read all in one go. So the plan is to have probably 3 parts, and to have it finished up and completed fairly quickly.**

 **Hope you enjoy it, I'd love to hear what your thoughts are. I love "going home", rekindled romances, and long lost best friends, so those elements are all very strong in the story. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you everyone for the amazing response to Part 1, I'm so glad you like it! I noticed there were a few common questions, part of them will be explained in this part and the others should be explained in the final part. As far as ages go, they are in their late 20s.**

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I wake the next morning feeling like I hadn't slept at all. The funeral wasn't for a couple of hours, so I take my time getting ready. What a stupid phrase. _Getting ready._ I'm not ready.

I shower and comb my hair, then I sit on my bed and fumble with my earrings, replaying the day he told me over and over again.

"Cancer?" I choked on the word. "But you're young, you're eighteen years old, how can you have cancer?"

"Life is a bitch," he said, with a shrug.

"That's all you can say?" Tears rolled down my cheeks in waves, enough that I couldn't see him sitting right in front of me. "Cancer is not something to joke about, Jacob!" I threw a half-assed punch in his direction and landed on his shoulder.

"Hey, go easy on me, cancer patient here," he joked. Again. Why was he laughing? Why was this not the worst news? Why was he not as upset as I am?

"How are you so calm?"

"I went through my angry phase hard and fast. Then I guess I just decided that it's taking enough from me that I didn't want it to have anything else. And my sarcastic charm is my best trait."

"What did they say? The doctors, I mean." I was almost afraid to ask the question I really wanted to ask because the answer could tear my life apart. _What's the prognosis?_

"I have surgery next week, then a little chemo and maybe radiation."

I wiped my eyes and didn't know what to do or say. What do you do when your best friend has cancer?

The only thing I could do was get up and hug him. So I did. For a long time.

"I love you, Jake," I said into his t-shirt.

"Love you, Bella."

Alice and Jasper walked in ten minutes later, followed by Rosalie and Emmett and Mike. I sat down in the corner, trying and failing to look somewhat normal. I didn't want to "steal his thunder" as Jacob put it. Edward had left two months ago, so he video-called and I knew he could tell right away something was wrong.

There were tears. And hugs. And a lot of encouragement and positive affirmations, mostly from Alice.

"And one more thing. When I die..." Jacob started.

"Stop it," I said.

"I'm going to die someday, whether it's two months from now or seventy years from now, and since I have you all here willing to agree to pretty much anything due my current state, I have two conditions upon my death." He held up one finger. "First, no matter where you are in the world, no matter if we still love or hate each other, you all have to come back for my funeral. Because you know I throw one hell of a party and if it's my last one, it'll be done right." He holds up another finger. "And secondly, I would request one last crazy weekend at the cabin. In my honor of course."

He turned to Alice. "Promise?"

"Promise, honey." Alice smiled. We all did. One by one.

It wasn't two months and it wasn't seventy years. Jacob got the short end of the stick as far as time left goes, but one remission and a recurrence later, here we are burying him at twenty-eight years old.

I don't remember the ride to the funeral home, or sitting down in the row behind his family. When the pastor begins to speak, I zone out. As soon as I let myself come back to reality, it's too heavy, and for the thousandth time today, I start to cry.

A hand from the row behind slips into mine as it lay open on my lap, soaked in my own tears. I know the hand instantly. Held it so many times. Traced the lines, knew them like it was my own hand. I missed this hand.

I turn just a bit and see Edward has scooted his chair up close to mine. His head is just over my shoulder and I want nothing more than for him to wrap both of his arms around me and let me cry.

He holds my hand for the rest of the funeral. And as we walk outside to go to the cemetery, he doesn't let go and doesn't speak. He's just there.

My father watches with curious eyes as we stick together, not talking or even acknowledging the other's presence. Just holding hands. Holding each other up. His palm against mine is the only tangible thing I can feel right now. The rest of me? It's numb.

"Dear Lord," the minister begins.

I focus on the top of the casket, where the wreath of flowers lay. Counting the flowers over and over while one person and then the next speaks.

"Would anyone else like to say anything?"

Everyone's eyes fall on me, because I'm his best friend. I should say something, but I wouldn't know where to start or what I could possibly say. But peer pressure forces my feet to move to the front, Edward in tow.

I look at the ground, then up at the crowd, telling my lips to move to say something. Anything.

"I..." I stutter. "Jake..."

Fear. Panic. Sadness. Overwhelming pain so much that each word feels like a dagger in my heart.

"I would like to, reach out my hand." Edward's voice, his singing voice, comes from beside me, filling the horrible silence. "I may see you, I may tell you to run."

The people in front us don't know how to react or what to do or say. Except Emmett.

"On my way. On my way," he sings, completely out of tune.

"Well, pick me up with golden hand," Edward signs. "I may see you, I may tell you to run."

"On my way. On my way."

"Well, I would like to hold my little hand. And we will run, we will, we will crawl, we will." Edward squeezes my hand. "I would like to hold my little hand. And we will run, we will, we will crawl."

The pain slowly melts away, replaced by a warm feeling in my chest. It radiates out and up and before I know it the tears are gone and I'm smiling. Jake's favorite song.

"Send me on my way," I sing softly.

"On my way," Emmett chimes.

I turn, wrapping my arms around Edward's waist as I press my forehead to his chest. My smile has grown into full on laughter as the crowd joins in. I feel lighter, like this was how Jake would have wanted it. It is how he would have wanted it.

Edward kisses the top of my forehead and for the first time since I've been home, I feel like I could be okay someday. Maybe not today or tomorrow or next week. But someday.

After the funeral, there's a lunch at the local church. Like pasta salad and croissants are going to ease the pain.

I pick at my food, pushing it around my plate to keep my mind occupied while everyone chats around me. Small talk about what their kids are up to and the next vacation they're going to take.

Across the room, I spot my mom and Edward talking, their eyes periodically drifting my way. Talking about me, I'm sure. I push my plate away in annoyance and sit back.

Edward gives my mom a hug and she murmurs something like "Good to see you again," and they part ways. Edward starts my way, but I don't want to talk. I can't.

I get up and quickly make my way out into the driveway.

"Bella, wait!" He calls, running after me. I keep walking, my hand so tense around my keys that it should hurt. But it doesn't.

"Bella!" He calls again, catching up despite my best efforts.

"Edward, I can't...do this right now." I open my car door and get inside. "I'm sorry." I close it and speed out of the parking lot. I drive around aimlessly for almost an hour, no radio and no coherent thought running through my head.

I end up back at the cemetery, sitting in the grass besides Jake's headstone. The freshly packed dirt already covers his coffin and it's hard to think of him under there, cold and alone and not him anymore.

I lean back against the cold stone and close my eyes, tears slowly falling down my cheeks.

"What do I do now, Jake?" I whisper. My phone buzzes in my bag. When I pull it out, I have three texts. One from my mother asking where I went. One from Alice telling me they'd pick me up at six o'clock tonight. And another from Edward asking if I was okay. I don't respond to any of them, but I can't lie that seeing Edward's name on my screen again makes my heart beat fast.

I'd gone through losing Edward before and it hurt like Hell. I didn't want to go through that again, but I'm starting to wonder if I have a choice. All he has to do is look at me and my body and my mind betray me in the worst way. I don't want to want him again. Wanting him means missing him when he leaves again. And now I have to spend an entire weekend at a secluded cabin with him.

"Damn you and your promises, Jake."

I imagine Jake laughing at me right now, like he planned this all along. My mind wanders back to Billy, and what he told me about what Jake had said. _Forgive him._ For what?

"Whatever it is, I forgive you."

I stand, and head back to my car. When I get home, my mom gives me the look. The one where she's worried but doesn't want to suffocate me.

"Where'd you go, baby?" She brushes my hair off my face.

"Just drove around for a little bit. I needed to be alone."

"That's okay." She smiles. "Alice said they'll be here in a few hours to pick you up for your trip, you better get some things together so you're ready."

I nod and head upstairs. My things are basically packed, but I transfer the few things I'm taking into a smaller bag and change into something more comfortable.

Two cars pull into my driveway at six o'clock on the dot. The first is Rosalie's sports car, with Emmett riding beside her. Mike is in the backseat with the other side filled with luggage. Alice's SUV parks behind her.

My dad takes my bags out to the car and Alice opens the back hatch for him. The car is stuffed nearly full, even in the backseat. I wonder if there's even room for me to sit.

"You all be careful now." Dad gives me a couple of twenty-dollar bills, a leftover habit from when I was a teenager.

"Dad, I don't need this." I try to hand it back to him.

"No, it's alright. Get some food for dinner one night. I'm just happy these guys are taking you with them. You could use a good weekend away."

"Thanks, Dad." I hug him and head around to the side of the car. As soon as I open the door, I see Edward. There's a small middle space beside him and that's it.

"I'll take the middle so you have more space," he says, scooting over.

"Thanks." I hop up and reach to fasten my seatbelt. There's barely enough space and my hand brushes against his hip. "Sorry," I mumble, turning to face the window. I see my blush in the reflection and tell myself to calm down.

"You're fine," Edward says.

"Alright!" Alice hops back in and turns to the back. "Who's ready for a road trip?"

Edward and I exchange a strange look. I'm not sure if it's pained or annoyed or what. Is he annoyed with me? Jasper doesn't get excited about many things, so the fact that he was the most enthusiastic passenger says something.

Alice puts on some throwback music from our high school days and we're off for the two-hour drive to the cabin.

An hour in, I pull myself away from the window and look at Edward. His fingers tap anxiously on the top of his thighs and his eyes dart from one spot to another. The tension, wherever it was coming from, is so thick I can barely breathe.

"Are you okay?" I ask, leaning toward him.

"Yeah," he answers.

"Promise?"

He finally turns and looks at me for the first time since we left. "Promise." He manages a smile, but it's not real. Not one hundred percent anyway.

"Okay."

Alice casts a curious glance in the rearview mirror before shifting her eyes back to the road.

I don't say another word until we pull into the familiar drive. Trees line the way, hanging across the way like a beautiful archway in the shadows. The porch light is on up ahead, but otherwise the house is dark.

We park behind Rose and everyone unloads their things, making small talk about any happenings from the drive up. It feels shockingly familiar and uncomfortably foreign at the same time.

I sling my bag over my shoulder and follow everyone up to the cabin. Alice opens the door and flips on a few lights, and just like it does every time, this place takes my breath away. Big open kitchen to the left, seemingly already stocked with food and drinks. Living room straight ahead, ceilings up to the sky with a large stone-faced fireplace in the corner. Plush furniture, blankets draped over delicately enough that you just want to curl up with one right away.

I spot the stairs in the corner, give the group a small smile, and head up to get settled in my room. Once I'm up the stairs, though, I stop, unsure of which door to go in. There's more than enough room for all of us, but we all had our rooms back then. Mike took the room with the bunk beds for himself. Rose and Emmett in one. Alice and Jasper in one. Edward and I in the last bedroom. So I either sleep below Mike Newton and his snoring, or I sleep with the ghost of Edward in the bedroom. Our bedroom.

"I'll take the bunk with Mike. You can have the bedroom," Edward says, suddenly behind me on the stairs.

"Okay." I nod. "Thanks."

I shuffle to the end of the hallway, exhaustion taking over my body with each step. It's not late, but it's not early either and it's been a long day. The longest.

I set my bag on the bed and take out a few things to get unpacked.

"You okay, honey?" Alice pops in and puts her arms around my shoulders.

"Yeah. Just tired." I shrug.

"How about a bath? Remember that amazing claw-foot tub that we all dreamed about having in our houses when we grew up?" She laughs.

I smile. "A bath sounds nice."

"I'll get it started for you." She kisses my cheek and disappears back down the hall.

I undress and change into my robe before grabbing my soap and shampoo. The bathroom is alight with a few candles and the smell of lavender overwhelms me.

"Bubble bath," I mumble. "Thanks, Alice."

I close the door behind me and leave my robe in a heap on the floor before I step into the steaming hot tub. My tense muscles seem to melt into the tub and I hope all of my stress and worry will too.

Downstairs, everyone is laughing and carrying on, but I do my best to drown out the noise. I need this me time to prepare myself for the next few nights.

I never imagined Edward and I would be in the same city again, let alone the same house. After the awkward car ride, I have no idea where his head is at and I sure as hell don't know where mine is. Could we be friends now? Or is this all just a ruse until the weekend is over? I'd like to think his support at the funeral wasn't all for show, but how can he still care like that after all these years? So intensely and so all consuming. Like we're two pieces of a bridge, needing each other so we don't crash into the water below. If I let my mind go, my heart feels like no time has passed at all. And I have to admit, the thought of that makes me feel alive.

I stay in the tub until my fingers are pruney and the water is lukewarm. I stand and grab for my...towel. There's no towel.

I look around the room, finding nothing but my tiny robe by the door.

"Alice!" I yell, listening for them downstairs. It seems quiet, but it's too early for them to have gone to bed already. I would have heard them come up.

"Alice!" I call again. "Rosalie! I need a towel!"

I wait a minute and then I finally hear footsteps up the staircase. I stand in the tub, half shaking from the cold while the suds from the bubble bath cover me in spots.

There's a knock on the door and then the very last voice I expect, speaks.

"Bella, it's me," Edward says. "They all went for a walk to catch fireflies on the path. I, uh, brought you a towel."

"Oh." My cheeks flush red and I immediately sit back down in the tub. How is this going to work? "Can you just throw it to me?"

"Yeah, sure." The door cracks open and he peeks in, eyes closed. His cheeks are red, his hair tousled. He's been drinking. "Marco?" He smiles.

"Polo." He tosses the towel in the direction of my voice and I catch it with ease. "Thanks."

"No problem." He nods and exits, closing the door behind him.

I dry off and put my robe back on. That bath was amazing. Besides my heart beating hard against my chest, I feel completely relaxed. At least for now.

I blow out the candles before I open the door and start down the hall to my room. As I pass the bunk bed room, I spot Edward laying in the bottom bunk reading a book.

"Hey," I say, stalling at the door. "Why aren't you out with everyone?"

He barely looks up from his book. "I just wanted to be here." He clears his throat. "Didn't want to leave you alone."

"Oh, really?" I use the towel to dry my hair a little more. "And why is that?"

"I've seen enough horror movies to know leaving a beautiful woman in the bath tub is never a good thing to do."

I don't know what to say. It's a joke, kind of. I'm supposed to laugh, but I don't. I just smile and start back toward my room. "Goodnight, Edward."

"Goodnight, Bella."

I change into my pajamas and get into bed, on my side even though the rest is empty. My mind fills with the memories of this room, of this place. I reach around the side of the headboard and feel for it in the darkness. The "E" and "B" carved deep into the wood.

I'm awake long enough to hear the group return downstairs and then my body becomes heavy and I fall into a deep sleep. I don't remember my dreams, but I wake with a start and sit straight up into the darkness. I touch my face and find my cheeks wet with tears. I don't know if I want to remember what was making me so sad, but I had a good guess.

I lay in bed for a long time, tossing and turning, wishing for sleep and dreading it at the same time. After awhile, I give up and get out of bed.

Out in the hallway, I pass the three other bedrooms, one with Mike snoring as loud as a foghorn, and head downstairs. Maybe if I get a drink of water or something, I can get back to sleep.

I'm surprised to find a light on and the kitchen already occupied. A steaming teapot sits on the stove, barely starting to whistle.

"You Brits and your tea," I say, yawning.

Edward turns as he takes the teapot off the stove. "Sorry, did I wake you?" He pours himself a cup.

"No. Just couldn't sleep."

"You want a cup?" He asks.

"Sure."

He pours another and slides it to me. We drink our tea in silence for a while, until his is gone and I only have a few sips left.

"Jetlag keeping you awake?" I ask.

"Mike-lag, I'm afraid. Started snoring as soon as he fell asleep and hasn't quit since. I tried sleeping on the couch but there's not much space." He sips his tea and leans against the counter.

I think of the empty space in my bed, his space.

"I have room," I blurt out. "I mean, you can sleep in my room if you want to."

"I don't know, I don't want to bother you."

"It's not a bother." I finish my tea and wonder what the hell I'm doing. "It's not like we haven't slept in the same bed before."

He pauses. "Things were different then."

"They were. But it's either that or you can go back to Newton."

Mike's snores echo down the stairs, right on cue.

"Okay fine." He shuts off the light and we head back upstairs.

"You're one hundred percent sure?" Edward asks, looking back as he walks into my room.

"Yes."

I close the door behind us and he climbs into bed, on his side. As I lie down and pull the blanket up over my body, he turns to me.

"Do you still kick when you sleep?"

I cock my eyebrow. "Do you still hog the bed?"

"I don't know, I haven't slept in the same bed with someone in awhile. I can't make any promises."

"Well then, Mr. Masen, neither can I," I tease.

"I guess I'll take my chances. Goodnight, Bella."

I turn on my side, hoping to hide my obnoxiously happy smile. "Goodnight, Edward."

* * *

 **A/N: I think that Jacob knew exactly what he was doing when he held them to their promise. :) Hope you enjoyed Part 2!**


	3. Chapter 3

I wake warm and comfy, with an arm over my waist. Edward's arm.

I lay there for a bit, unsure if I should wake him or try to sneak out undetected. I'm sure both would embarrass one or both of us, so instead, I just stay where I am. It is kind of nice.

He finally stirs. I know it because his arm stiffens and then quickly removes itself from my body.

"Are you awake?" He asks.

"Yes."

"Sorry about that." He props himself up as I turn toward him. "Old habits."

"It's okay." I smile and with a nod, roll out of bed.

I pull a brush through my hair a few times and then open the bedroom door. Edward follows behind me, running his fingers through his hair.

"Good morning, you two." Alice spots us from the bathroom down the hall, grinning from ear to ear. "Have a nice night?"

It's juvenile, but I roll my eyes at her and continue downstairs while Edward stops in his room.

"Morning, Bells," Emmett says, settling onto one of the stools in the kitchen.

"Coffee?" I ask.

"Should be ready in a minute."

I pull a few coffee cups down from the cupboard and wait for it to finish brewing. My body isn't fully awake yet, but my mind feels like it's already had a hundred shots of espresso. How can I be so exhausted and so rested at the same time?

"I saw the bottom bunk was empty this morning..." Emmett muses. "Did someone have a sleep over?"

"Mike was snoring. I offered to let him sleep in there, that's all." I pour myself a cup of coffee. "Since when is sleeping next to someone some huge scandal?"

"Since you two broke up and the perfection that was Edward and Bella got shattered to Hell."

"We were far from perfect."

"That doesn't mean you weren't perfect for each other."

"You sound like a Hallmark card," I tease.

"And you sound like a Lifetime movie."

I grab my coffee cup and head outside to sit on the porch.

There's a swing seat in the corner with a blanket already waiting. I curl up and pull it over me as I sip from my cup. The morning is chilly, enough that frost tips the edges of the grass.

The coffee warms me enough that I'm comfortable while the sun rises higher into the sky. I hear people moving around in the house, talking about what they're going to do for the day.

When my coffee is gone, I head inside and stick my cup in the sink.

"What are you going to do today, Bella?" Alice asks, taking a bite of her bagel.

"I don't know. I think I might go for a walk."

"The trails are beautiful right now. Very peaceful." She smiles. "Do you want company?"

"Actually, is it okay if I catch up with you later?" I need some time alone with my thoughts. Especially because tonight was probably going to be all about drinking and memory lane.

"Of course it is."

I hug her, really hug her, and it feels nice. I've missed her these years away.

I head upstairs and change into some better clothes before I head back outside. There's a trail that starts just down by the lake and follows along the tree line.

The trees are starting to turn, the tips the slightest hints of yellow, red, and orange. I pull my sweater tight as I continue onto the trail, not much more than a well-worn dirt path.

Instead of thinking and overthinking everything, I tell myself to turn off my mind and just breathe. Push out the bad stuff, just for a little while. And it works for a bit.

I make a loop around about half of the lake, pausing for a few minutes to sit on a wooden bench down by the water. The lake is clear as glass, barely any waves, and shining bright in the sunlight. The air here is different. Lighter. Fresh. Pure. So different from what I'm used to in Chicago. The closest I get to this kind of air is sitting down by Lake Michigan, but even that isn't the same.

There's no one around, the only sound is the chirp of the birds and the occasional snap of a branch in the distance. The lake is almost deserted, well past the season for summer vacationers. I allow myself to be content. I allow myself to enjoy it.

I eventually start back toward the cabin and meet Edward along the way, heading toward the small dock down by the lake.

"Hey," he says, smiling. "Alice said you went for a walk, how was it?"

"It was nice."

"Just about to take the boat out myself." He glances toward the dock. A lonely, somewhat pitiful looking rowboat bobs in the water. "Do you want to come?"

"Sure," I say, before my mind can even contemplate.

We walk onto the dock and he holds the boat steady as I step inside.

I quickly take a seat as he pushes us off and settles across from me.

We're quiet for a long time, taking in the pretty trees dotting the shores of the lake and the soft lapping of the small waves against the side of the boat.

"Are you happy?" Edward finally asks.

"What?"

"Are you happy? I mean, I know right now everything is shit and it sucks. But other than that, are you happy?"

I pause. "I think so."

"You don't know?"

"I don't know, are we supposed to?"

"Yes." He smiles sadly. "Why don't you know?"

I pick at the sleeves of my sweater, avoiding eye contact.

"I never talk to any of my friends, my real friends, like you guys. The only friends I know back home are my work friends and the most conversation I get out of them is at happy hour after a long day at work." I sigh. "I'm not where I want to be at my job. I feel like I put in all of this work and money for college and it got me stuck in a job with nowhere else to go. I haven't been on a first date in..." I count back in my head. "At least six months, and in a relationship in God knows how long. Oh, and my best friend who I've known since we were kids just died of cancer."

"So, why aren't you doing anything about it?"

"About what?"

He stops rowing and we coast to a stop in the middle of the lake. "All of it."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know. Move to a new city. Get a different job. Go on dates."

"Nobody wants to go out on a date with me."

Edward sighs in annoyance. "I can guarantee you that is not true, Swan."

"You have to say that, you're my friend."

He shakes his head. "No, I want to say that because you're the most beautiful person I know, inside and out."

I change the subject. "So, what about you? Are you happy?"

"Of course not."

"And are you doing something about it?"

"I'm trying."

"I guess that's all we can do, right?"

I don't know if it's the conversation or the nice things he's saying to me. Or the wind or the sun in his hair, or how the chill of the air paints his cheeks the slightest tinge of pink. But I feel warm inside, just being around him. Like before. When we were young.

"So, what have you been up to lately?" I ask.

"Little of this and a little of that." He suddenly gets quiet. "Visit Mum and Dad in as much as I can."

"Did you finally make the move to downtown London? I'm sure your Mom misses you."

"Yeah, she does." He bites his lip, almost like he's trying to hold his mouth shut. "Listen, Bella, I have to tell you something..."

"Edward!" Alice screams from shore. "Bella!" I glance over his shoulder and see her waving at us. "Food is ready!"

"Guess we're being called." Edward smiles and starts rowing back to the dock.

"What did you want to tell me?"

"Nothing." He dismisses it just as quickly as he brought it up.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," he says, finally reaching the dock. He hops out and ties up the boat before helping me out and back onto solid ground.

I fall forward as my foot hits the dock and run right into his chest. His arms steady me, holding me tight against him as I catch my bearings.

"You good?" He asks.

"Yeah." I tug on my shirt, pulling the hem down over my jeans once more and start back toward the house.

Alice meets me halfway across the yard and the smell of food wafts from the house.

"Smells like Jasper is still the best cook around," I say, throwing my arm around Alice's shoulder.

"Why do you think I keep him around?" She answers, laughing.

Dinner is amazing. We all sit around the huge dining table, drinking wine and talking about memories from high school. Exactly what Jake would have wanted. He's here with us, in a way. Every time we laugh or smile, he's here.

"Shall we move this party outside?" Emmett suggests, nodding toward the firepit out on the lawn.

"You guys go ahead, I'll clean up," I offer.

"I'll help," Edward says, collecting everyone's empty plates.

"I make fire," Emmett says, in his best cave man voice.

"Good job, honey," Rose teases.

They all grab a few bottles of wine and more than enough beer, and head outside.

I start filling the sink as Edward finishes grabbing everything off the table. Once the sink is full, I shut off the water and start piling them in, soap bubbles flying up onto my chest.

Music fills the room from the small speaker in the corner of the kitchen. I get the special Edward covers of all of our favorite songs, his voice easily drowning out the originals.

I jump, startled, as his hands grasp my waist and gently push me to the right just a bit so he can reach one of the drawers.

Once all of the food is put away, he offers to help with the dishes, but I'm almost done anyway so I send him outside.

I alternate between sipping my wine and putting the dishes away.

When I'm almost done with both, Rose steps back inside nursing her water bottle.

"Drinking isn't as fun when you're the only one who can't do it." She rubs her swollen belly and smiles.

"But you get a baby instead of a hangover, so I'm sure the reward makes it worth it." I give her a hug and kiss her cheek.

"What's on your mind?" She asks.

"What makes you think there's something on my mind?"

"Because you're Bella."

"I don't know, it's just...When Edward and I were out on the boat earlier, he said he wanted to tell me something. But then Alice called us back for dinner and he never told me and now he says it was nothing but I feel like it wasn't nothing."

"I see. Well I'm sure he'll tell you when he's ready." She strangely drops the subject and heads to the bathroom, muttering something about baby bladder.

I refill my glass of wine, grab a blanket, and head outside to join the others in a rousing game of Truth or Dare. Not my first choice of entertainment, but I'm buzzed enough that I don't argue.

"Alice, Truth or Dare?" Emmett asks.

"Truth," she answers.

"Weirdest place you've ever..." He raises his eyebrows and Jasper immediately blushes.

"The alleyway behind Roger's Pub," she says, not batting an eye.

"Damn, Jas!" Emmett playfully punches Jasper in the shoulder.

"Edward, truth or dare?" Alice asks.

"Dare."

Alice laughs and leans forward. "I dare you to jump into the lake...naked."

Now, I'm blushing. I pull the blanket tight around me, partially hiding my face and hopefully my pink cheeks.

Edward laughs, glances around the circle and nods. He stands, sets his drink down, and steps a few paces away from the fire before he drops his pants, takes off his shirt, and heads toward the water. Besides a quick flash of Edward ass, we barely see his shadow as it heads off into the darkness. Then, there's a splash off in the distance, a chorus of adorably British curse words, and then quiet.

"Can someone bring me my clothes?" He calls.

"A little cold?" Alice laughs.

"Just a bit!"

No one moves. Then everyone looks at me.

"What?" I ask.

"We just voted and you have to take him his clothes," Emmett says.

"Why me?"

"It's not like you haven't seen _it_ before," Alice says, bursting into a fit of laughter.

I know they aren't going to give in, and I don't want Edward freezing to death, so I huff and grab his clothes.

"Where are you?" I call out.

"Over here," he answers.

I follow his voice and find him hiding behind a tree.

"What game did you lose?" He asks, reaching out to grab his shirt.

The clouds clear and the moonlight bursts through, almost like a streetlight above. In the glow, I see him throw his shirt back on over the mountains and valleys of the muscles on his back. I feel the heat rush through my body at his bare lower half, turned away from me, but bare nonetheless.

Once he takes his pants, I turn and start back to the fire. Less than halfway there, I hear him run up behind me, and then he swoops me up and throws me over his shoulder for the rest of the way, his wet hair dripping cold drops of lake water onto my back.

"A ride for my rescuer," he murmurs.

"I must say, I'm impressed Cullen," Emmett says, raising his beer in toast.

"Good." Edward sets me back down into my chair and takes his seat. "Swan, truth or dare?"

"Are you going to make me jump into the lake naked?" I ask.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"Okay." I smile. "Then, dare."

Edward narrows his eyes at me, playful and devious. "I want you...to do the cheer."

"The cheer?" I ask.

"The cheer. You know the one."

I do know the one. The one that I did for the one game that I cheered for the football team before realizing I was not coordinated enough to do a cheer pyramid, or be a base in a lift, or stomp my feet at the right time or in time at all.

"Are you sure you want to be subjected to this torture?" I ask.

"I demand it." He smiles. "We're waiting."

I sigh and stand up, going through it all in my head to make sure I remember.

Rose comes back out just in time to enjoy the spectacle, which doesn't make me feel any better since she was the captain of the squad.

"Our team is what?" I clap my hands as they all answer.

"Dynamite!"

"Our team is what?"

"Dynamite!"

"Hold on, wait a minute, let us put some roll in it!" I attempt to do a body roll and it's horribly unsexy. "Our team is tick, tick, tick, tick, tick BOOM, dynamite!"

I end with a rather unimpressive jump and thrust my fist into the air to a chorus of claps.

"Thank you." I take a bow and retire to my seat. "Thanks for that," I whisper to Edward.

"No, thank you." He nods and laughs.

"Emmett." I turn to the large one across the fire. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Best vacation?"

"Oh that's easy. That time we met Edward in Chicago and drove to New York." He slaps his knee and starts laughing, but everyone else goes quiet. "Remember, that night in Columbus, Ed?"

Edward's face is hard as a rock. Chicago? They met him in...Chicago. My Chicago?

"You flew into Chicago and didn't call me?" I asked, trying not to sound hurt. I mean sure, we were broken up and it was hard, but I still considered him a friend. I considered all of them my best friends. "We could have gotten together for a drink, I would have loved seeing you."

"No," Edward answers quietly, clearing his throat. "I lived there."

He lived in Chicago when I lived in Chicago. And no one said a word.

I try to hold them back, but the tears well in my eyes and my vision starts to blur as I look at all of their faces. "You all knew..."

I stand, letting my blanket fall to the ground, and quickly make my way inside.

"Bella!" Alice calls.

"Fuck all of you!" I yell, slamming the door. I run upstairs, sobs starting to escape my lips, and barricade myself in the bedroom.

How many times did they sneak around? How long was Edward in Chicago? Did I mean that little to him that he didn't bother to tell me?

Not so surprisingly, there's a knock on the door.

"Bella?" Edward says.

"Don't you dare come in here." I wipe my eyes.

He comes in anyway, of course, and closes the door behind him.

"I'm sorry," he says.

"Sorry for what? For telling me that you didn't think long distance would work? For...living in the same city as me and pretending I don't exist? For not calling or emailing or texting or anything for almost ten years? What exactly are you sorry for?"

"You know that goes both ways!" He yells back. "You didn't call. You didn't email. Or visit."

"You. Broke me. You broke me, Edward. I didn't want to call you and hear your voice and be reminded that I couldn't have you and that you were thousands of miles away. Oh, wait! You weren't though were you? You were just down the street! Hell, we could have been neighbors!"

"Bella..."

"How long were you in Chicago? Did you even go back to England or was that all a rouse?"

"I did go back to England. I tried to do exactly what I set out to do. Make something of myself and come back to you, take care of you. But I couldn't do it. I could not stand to be away from you, Bella, it was too hard. After we broke up, I spent a few months trying to move on and when I couldn't, I flew to Chicago to surprise you." He shrugs. "Beg your forgiveness. Do anything to get you back. I remember, I bought this big bouquet of roses and I went to your dorm to find you. I saw you, you know. Standing outside, the snow was falling and, God, you looked so beautiful. And then he kissed you, the guy you were with." He holds back tears, sniffling. "Some small part of me, a horrible part, hoped that you were just as miserable as I was. That you were suffering. But you looked like you were getting your life together. You looked like you were...happy maybe? And I didn't want to ruin that, especially when I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going to live. I wanted you to be happy, so I left you to it."

"You left those flowers at my door?"

"I didn't want them to go to waste."

My cheeks are wet with tears and I can barely breathe. I remember that day.

"That boy that kissed me? That was Tom Rogers, a guy my roommate set me up with because she was tired of watching me cry every night over you. I didn't kiss him back. I wasn't happy, Edward. I wasn't over you. If you really want the truth, it's been ten years and I'm still working on it."

He takes a few steps toward me, and I back up until the back of my knees hit the bed.

"I never wanted to work on getting over you," he says. He reaches up and his fingers brush over my cheek, tracing my jaw before he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

All of my love and hate and everything in between for him hits me all at once. When he kisses me just then, I feel like that girl I was before when I was with him. The world falls away and it's just me and him.

Even though I know I'm mad at him, I kiss him back. And it was made of all the lost kisses of the past ten years.

I run my fingers through his hair, still damp from his dip in the lake. I taste the beer on his lips, and before I know it I'm reaching for the bottom of his shirt.

I should have known this would happen. When two people, explosive as we both are, get this close, we're bound to spark. Maybe I came here hoping it would.

His shirt is on the floor and he's laying me back onto the bed. Now that I really get to see him, explore his chest and his back and his arms, it's all familiar but so different at the same time. He's not a teenager anymore. He's a man.

I reach down between us and unbutton his jeans. He backs up and pulls them down to the floor while I slip my shirt over my head.

"Are you sure?" He asks, lingering.

"Yes." I was sure. Was this what I needed? Could this be closure or is this going to open up all of those wounds I worked so hard to heal?

I undo my jeans and he pulls them down from my ankles until they join the rest of his clothes on the floor. Then my bra is off, replaced by the feeling of his skin on my chest instead.

It's as if no time has passed. We still fit together, move together like we used to. And when he's finally inside me, everything feels right again.

His hands cup my breasts, his tongue traces my collarbone, igniting a burning flame of desire every place he touches me.

I hold onto him, loose around his shoulders and then so tight to me that the weight of him crushes me. But in a good way. I've been without him for so long that I want him all around me. Touching every inch.

I push him up and over, rolling on top of him. My hands go through my hair, pulling it back away from my face as I move my hips against his.

I barely hear the group laughing and talking outside. I focus on our breathing, the pounding of his heart with mine.

"You're so amazing," he breathes, reaching between us where our bodies meet. When he touches me, I loose myself, arching my forward to meet his palm as I collapse onto his chest.

My mind feels hazy and my body is so heavy with satisfaction that I can barely move.

"Fuck," he moans, stiffening below me as he drops his head back onto the bed.

I roll over beside him and we both just lay there for a few minutes. I haven't felt this good in a long time, but I know it's coming. The crushing heartbreak. The inevitable questions about what this means and the terrifying answer that it may not change everything. Or it will change everything. It has already.

"You okay?" Edward asks, linking his fingers with mine.

"Yeah," I say, my voice shaky. "I should um, take a shower, probably." What? I just had sex for the first time in years with the love of my life, and all I can say to him afterward is that I need to shower? _What the fuck is wrong with you, Bella?_

Because I already announced it, I force myself to get up. I put on a big t-shirt and peek out the door to make sure no one is in the house before I sneak down to the bathroom.

As soon as I'm inside, I turn on the shower and step in. Then the tears come, hard and fast.

"I don't know what I'm doing," I say to myself, resting my forehead on the shower wall as the water slides down my skin.

I don't hear him come in or step into the shower with me, but I feel his arms come around my shoulders and his lips kiss my neck.

"What's going on in your head, B?" He asks.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm doing," I cry.

"That's the beauty of it. I don't think any of us do."

"What are we going to do?"

"I don't know."

I want to tell him that I still love him. That I want to try this again, that I want to be with him. But he speaks first.

"I have to tell you something," he says.

"Besides the whole you live in Chicago thing?"

"I got a job in New York, taking photos for a big shot magazine. I'm scheduled to start on Tuesday."

I swear my heart sinks right to my feet. This is how this would happen. Find our way back to each other after all this time, just to have it ripped away. Just to have him ripped away again.

"So, you're not living in Chicago," I say.

"As of last week, no."

"Oh." I turn to face him and try to smile. "That's great."

"Is it?"

"Yes," I say, a little more confident. "It is." It's everything I want for him. Edward doing something he loves and making a living from it. Him being happy.

After our shower, we go back to the room and fall asleep. I don't even hear everyone come in. I sleep so hard that Edward has to wake me the next morning to get ready to leave.

We pack up our things in silence, weighed down by the questions left unanswered. Not because we didn't want to talk about it but we didn't know the right answer or any answer for that fact.

On the ride home, I fall asleep despite the fact that I slept close to twelve hours last night. When I wake up, Edward is helping everyone unload their bags from the car.

I get out and stretch before I go around to the back to grab my bag.

"Here," Edward says, handing mine to me.

"Thanks." I smile and tote my bag to the curb.

"You okay, honey?" Alice bumps me.

"I don't know."

"What happened with Edward last night? You guys didn't come back down."

I sigh. Heavily.

"Oh. That." Alice nods and discreetly walks away.

When all the bags are unloaded, Edward asks to speak to me in private. We head around to the front of the car, away from the eyes and ears of everyone else.

"Are we okay?" He asks.

"What? Oh. Yeah. Yeah, we're fine. We're friends, right?" Yikes. Why did I just use the F word? That's not what I want. Why can't I just say it?

He smiles, just a bit. "Right. Friends."

My dad's cruiser pulls up, honking at us. "Hey, guys. Have a nice weekend?"

"Yeah, we did," I answer.

"We better get going, Bells. Your mom wants to see you before I take you to the airport."

I say my goodbyes to Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rose, and save the best and hardest for last. This must be what it was supposed to be. A weekend, just like Jake asked. Then we all just go back to our regularly scheduled lives, without each other and using our memories to keep the idea of "us" alive.

"So," Edward says, lingering by my dad's car.

"Let me know if you're ever in Chicago," I say.

"I promise to never set foot in that city without you knowing about it," he jokes. "Have a safe flight back."

"You too."

And then we just stand there because we don't know what to say. I can't stay but I can't leave, so he does the last thing I expect and kisses me. In front of everyone.

"Goodbye, Edward." I quickly get into my dad's car before I do something embarrassing like crying...again.

"That was a fun thing for me to see," Dad sighs. "He couldn't have done that before I got here?"

I can't help but smile. "Sorry, Dad."

Once we're home, I visit with Mom as long as I can before I go to the airport. As soon as I land back in Chicago, I feel just as empty as I did when I left, but for a completely different reason. How can I miss somebody that I didn't even know was here in the first place?

My apartment feels cold. My job feels pointless. I feel alone. So alone.

I stare at my phone at least five times that first day back, wanting to call him.

I make it through the day somehow and when I get home, there's a single envelope in my mailbox.

I notice his handwriting right away, Jacob's that is. He wrote "In Hell, Literally" for his return address.

"Ha, ha, jackass," I mumble, opening the envelope as I make the final steps up to my place.

I pull several pages out of the envelope and sit down in the chair by the window.

 _Bella,_

 _By the time you read this, I'll probably be gone so I figured I should write this out while I have the energy and I know how excited you are about getting mail. I don't mean to be morbid about the whole dying thing, but it's the truth and you know if anything I'm an honest fellow. Maybe they'll put that on my tombstone. Nevermind, I'm getting off topic._

I read through his favorite memories of our friendship. Of growing up together and all of the things that he's sad he won't be able to see.

Then I get to the last few paragraphs.

 _I asked my dad to tell you something, but you know how he is. The man can't warm up food in the microwave without forgetting about it for at least three hours. I told him to ask you to forgive him. And now that I'm thinking about it, that was a little vague. You know I love a good mystery, but let me explain._

 _Edward called me a couple of months after you broke up and said that he was in Chicago. He said that he saw you and you looked happy and he didn't want to intervene. I told him he was crazy and that he needed to get his ass in gear. But you know him, never listens to anybody, even me. He made me promise not to tell you. So every time I called to talk to you, I didn't say a word. And even though you know I'd never break a promise, I wish I would have. I knew you were hurting and I'm so sorry. I always thought that somehow you'd find your way back to each other, especially if you were in the same city. You know I'm sucker for those romantic movies, I guess I couldn't see it happening any other way. It didn't. You went on being you in Chicago, and Edward went on being him in Chicago. Epic fail, man._

 _But if this whole weekend at the cabin (which you better have gone to) and me being six feet under is what brings you two back together, then so be it. Sometimes you have to go home to find yourself again. That's what they say right? The point of all this is...forgive him. Let go whatever resentment you have toward him for leaving or for staying in Chicago in secret. Forgive him because he meant well and he loves you more than almost any guy out there (I had to put myself and Charlie in there, he is the sheriff and your dad after all). Take a chance, take a risk, make a change and breakaway. I might have stolen that from Kelly Clarkson, but it's too good not to._

 _Love you forever and always friend,_

 _Jake_

The small dark spots on the paper grow as I start to cry. I wasn't supposed to forgive Jake. Jake was asking me to forgive Edward.

At that moment, I realize it doesn't matter so much if I forgive him or not. What matters is that my life would be so much better if he was a part of it. That's it. That's what I'm missing. It's Edward.

"I have to go," I whisper, to no one in particular, because I'm alone in my apartment. Maybe I'm saying it to this. To my life here. To the sadness and unhappiness and loneliness. _I have to go._

I quickly throw some items in a bag and head right back out the door. On the way to the airport, I make a few phone calls. One to my office. One to my parents. One to Alice.

"Bella?" She answers.

"What magazine is Edward working at in New York?"

"What?"

"I'm going to New York."

"When?!"

"Now!" I say. "I'm going right now, I'm on my way to the airport."

"Hold on, I have the address and phone number written down somewhere." I hear her rummaging through some papers before she finally finds it. I write down the information, thank her, tell her I love her and I'm going to make sure I come home more often, and hang up.

I get a ticket on the first flight to New York and land after midnight so I get a hotel for the night. Alice didn't know where Edward was living yet, so I don't really have any other choice.

I don't sleep. Not at all. But yet when morning comes, I'm still wide awake.

I'm going to see him today.

I get dressed and grab a cab outside of the hotel, thrusting the address at him. "Here, please."

I'm not nervous, which is strange. This could be the biggest day. The most important day. The first day of the rest of my life, or however all of those crazy romantic movies put it. This is my crazy romantic movie. I hope.

All the pain and the heartache seems like a distant memory, like for the first time since I lost Jake, really the first time since I lost Edward, I feel like everything could be okay. Like it will be okay.

The cab pulls up just outside, and as I step out onto the sidewalk, I notice a flower stand just to the right. I rummage through my wallet and grab some cash, paying the vendor some money for the bouquet of roses at the corner of the stand.

I grasp the flowers tight in my hand, bursting with excitement. Part of me, just a small part, allows the bad thoughts to creep in. The what ifs. What if he doesn't want me here? What if he doesn't want me at all? What if all of this was for nothing?

I get in the elevator and wait for it to take me to the 5th floor. When the doors open, I almost think I'm going to see him standing there, but he's not. There's just a desk with a receptionist and that's it.

"Hello," she says, smiling. "How may I help you?"

"Yes, I'm looking for Edward Cullen. He's a photographer here."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Uh." _Shit. Did I need an appointment?_ "No, I'm sorry, I..."

"If you're dropping those off for him, I can take them. It looks like he's in a meeting."

"Do you know how long he'll be?"

"I'm sorry, I don't." She reaches out for the flowers. "No card?"

"No."

"Should I tell him who they're from?"

"No." I shake my head. "Just tell him they're from someone who didn't want them to go to waste."

She nods and smiles, although I can tell she's confused by my answer.

When I leave, I take the stairs instead of the elevator. I figure it might give me some time to think through things and a little more space to breathe.

I take my time, one step after another as I go, unsure of where I'm supposed to go from here. Then it all hits me.

I just quit my job. I jumped on a plane. I showed up at my ex-boyfriend's office with flowers. I have no plan.

And I love it.

By the time I reach the ground floor, I'm smiling from ear to ear. I open the door to the lobby and head outside. I figure I'll take a walk through Central Park, maybe grab a bite to eat. Whatever comes my way, I guess.

"Bella!" I hear footsteps running behind me, loud against the marble floor. "Bella, wait!"

I turn and there he is, running toward me, roses in his hand.

When he reaches me, we both just stand there staring at each other. Now, what?

"You got me flowers," he says.

"Yeah, just wanted to congratulate you on the new job."

"Delivery fees so high you had to come all the way here to do it yourself?"

"Something like that." I laugh. "Actually, I'm thinking about a move to New York."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, do you know anyone I could stay with?"

He shrugs and slowly leans down to kiss me. "You know, I might know a guy."

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for joining me on this little journey with Bella about finding love and finding yourself again when you feel like the worst thing in the world has happened to you. It's about going back home in more ways than one. It's about taking advice from Kelly Clarkson when you might need it, and we all need that every now and then right? Thank you again and I hope to see you all soon!**


	4. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

 **Six Months Later…**

I'm nervous. Mostly because this is the first time I'm seeing Alice since our weekend at the cabin and there are still a lot of things that need to be said. Rose wanted to come, but she's so close to her due date that we'll have to just Skype her in. Can't have her going into labor on the wrong side of the country.

"I got you ice cream, Bella," Edward says into the intercom of my apartment. You'd be surprised to know that I have my very own place now. I stayed with Edward for a few weeks while I figured out what I was doing, and even though I want to work this out with him and see where it goes, I didn't move here for him. I moved here for me.

My boss was less than thrilled when my sick day turned into an "I moved to New York City" day, but it was for the best. I started working a few months ago as a receptionist at a non-profit foundation, and they're already asking me if I'm looking to move up in the company. Not the best pay, but I enjoy it and it pays my bills.

Life with Edward has been interesting. It's a battle between loving the people we used to be and learning about the people we are now, and that included some serious resentment I had toward him. We fight sometimes, and that ugly monster rears its head, but it happens less and less. And it hurts less and less, even though when I think about all of the time we lost, it feels like such a waste.

My friends, Alice in particular, has been another story. We talk on the phone, a lot more than we used to, but for some reason I feel betrayed by them more than I do Edward and it's been hard to get back to how we used to be. Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever get there.

My front door opens and Edward steps in, groceries in each arm. "As requested," he says, setting everything down on the counter. "Cookie dough ice cream, actual cookie dough, Pizza Rolls, Bagel Bites, mozzarella sticks, several, and I do mean several bottles of wine…" He looks up at me. "You still nervous?"

"Yeah," I admit, glancing at the clock. "She'll be here soon."

"Well I better head out then, I have to meet the guys at the office."

"Have fun at the game."

He leans down to kiss me on the cheek and leaves.

I count down the minutes until 2:00 hits. Then I watch the clock for another hour, to account for baggage claim and taxi. Just when I start to relax a little, my intercom beeps.

"Hello?" I say, pushing the button.

"It's me!" Her voice comes through the speaker and with a shaky finger, I buzz her up.

I open the door and wait, watching the elevator stop at the main floor, then light up each number until it gets to me. When the doors open, she's there, smiling and her arms full of things. Alice things.

"Hi, B," she says.

"Hi, Ali." I open the door for her. "Come on in."

"Thanks." She steps inside and takes a good look around.

"It's a little small."

"It's so cute!" She sets her things down and walks to the window. "Decent view."

"Yeah."

I show her around the neighborhood, exchanging nothing more than small talk the entire time. Something feels off. I'm pretty sure it's the big elephant in the room known as Edward Cullen.

I'm starving by the time we get back to my place.

"So, uh, Edward got us some food, are you hungry?" I ask.

"Always."

We retreat to the kitchen area and go through the usuals. How Rose is doing. Jasper's job. Emmett. Just Emmett in general.

We make every kind of food that Edward got us and then we're just sitting in my living room, stuffed and feeling like crap because we ate too much. But neither of us have anything to say.

"Can we just get to it then?" She asks.

"What?"

"You telling me how awful I was. You think I haven't noticed that you've been pretty quiet. And that's saying a lot considering I barely heard from you for ten years."

"What do you want me to say?"

"That you're mad at me. And I should have told you about Edward."

"I'm not...mad. I'm hurt, Alice."

She moves from her seat on the couch to join me in my chair, one that's not meant for two people.

"I know. And I'm sorry. I was wrong. We were all wrong." She pulls my blanket over her knees.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She's quiet for a long time before she speaks again. "A year after you moved to Chicago...we hadn't spoken much. But I sent you a birthday card. With little kittens on it. Saying I'd like to come visit and to let me know when you had time." She shakes her head. "You didn't call. Or email. Or text. Then I tried to call you for Christmas and got your voicemail. I left you a message, and you never called me back."

I remember that card. And that voicemail. And telling myself, _I need to call Alice._ Then I never did because I got too busy and had to go to that meeting, or finish that project, or call Mom and Dad.

"Edward called me back, Bella. I thought maybe you just weren't interested anymore." She shrugs, a few stray tears coming down her cheeks. "I can't tell you something if you don't answer your phone, and after awhile I stopped trying. It wasn't about choosing him over you, or loving him more than I love you. I just couldn't keep talking to a voicemail message."

"I'm awful." I bury my head in my hands.

"I should have kept trying."

"I shouldn't have made you keep trying."

We cry. For a long time. Then we sit in the chair hugging each other for even longer. And even though it doesn't erase the past ten years, the crater between us just got a little smaller.

"So," she says, taking a chunk of cookie dough. "How are things with Edward?"

"They're good. We're taking it slow, actually. He still has his own place. I have my place. Just one day at a time. How are things with Jasper?"

"Amazing. He's worried you're going to hate him forever and he's scared to talk to you."

"He's not still upset about that time I tackled him when we were playing football is he?"

"You scared the shit out of him." She giggles.

"And gave him a concussion. I felt so bad."

"Ah well. He needs to get knocked on his ass every now and then."

We watch a movie, drink all the bottles of wine, and it feels little like it used to. I pass out on the couch, Alice on the floor, and wake to Edward in the kitchen.

I squint one eye open. "Your key was revoked after the water balloon incident."

"I convinced your doorman I thought you might be dead so he let me in." He surveys the area. "And judging by the scene in front of me, I don't know that I was wrong."

"Wine." I sigh.

"You drank it all. But I did bring bagels."

"Edward?" Alice pops her head up.

"Good morning, dearest," he teases. "I come bearing gifts."

He toasts two bagels and brings us each one on a plate.

After we eat, and I get a good five glasses of water in me, I start to feel a little better.

Edward joins us for a day out in the city. We show Alice where we both work and stop by some of the touristy sites.

The rest of the long weekend goes too quickly. Alice and I talk some more. We Skype in Rose, who is glowing and looking like she's ready to give birth at any minute. I call Jasper and have a private conversation in the park across the street. Emmett sends me a Snap Chat of him doing a duck face with a heart.

Every day I feel like things are falling into place more and more. I'm getting back to where I want to be, and Edward is supportive and wonderful. Even in the moments of doubt, the holy shit how did I do this? The what if this doesn't work out? The this is crazy and you need to go back to Chicago. I stay because I believe in me and I believe someday, Edward and I will be better than we were before.

We visit my family at Christmas, the first Christmas I've been back home in a long time. The lights of the city dot the ground, just tiny pinpricks from the airplane window. I remember the last time coming home, the feeling of dread and sadness that overwhelmed me about losing Jacob. This time, I feel hope.

"Ladies and Gentleman, as we prepare for landing, please return your seats and tray tables to their upright and locked position, and make sure that your seatbelt is securely fastened. We should be landing in Seattle momentarily..."

* * *

 **A/N: Hi, all! So the original plan had the last chapter as the actual last chapter. I had written this epilogue just as an exercise for me, to expand on and explain Alice's story a little, and maybe come a little more full circle with the beginning of the story. I was debating whether I was going to post it or continue with the original plan, but since I've had a few "That's it?!" messages, so I've decided to go ahead and post this for you.**

 **Also, I know a lot of readers didn't agree with Bella's decision to go on the path of forgiveness. That's okay! It's not the choice I would have made either, but it's part of her story and her path. She wants to be happy and move on, and that's the route she decided was best for her.**

 **Thank you so much for reading and I hope to see you for the next one. Not sure what kind of timeline I'm looking at, but I'm really excited for it. Imagine teen romance movie meets deadly virus, literally. I'm looking forward to sharing it with you!**


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